What happened to livejournal?

The following link is to a video of Tom Cruise's "Freedom Medal of Valor" award acceptance speech from 2005 that only Scientologists are supposed to see. Apparently it was posted on youtube, but quickly taken off by the scientologists. Somehow, it has leaked out again! It's pretty awesome.

http://defamer.com/344987/the-tom-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientologists-dont-want-you-to-see

This link is to Tracey Morgan being awesome and crazy on the David Letterman show.

http://defamer.com/344815/im-just-doing-karate-and-trying-to-get-females-pregnant


The perfect combination. They should do a buddy flick!

Since I first got internet savvyI've had the same e-mail account I opened when I was fourteen and it's a really dumb name, fungabe7@hotmail.com. Mostly I've never changed it because I find it really annoying going through your e-mail contacts, copying them all and re-entering them. Of course there's always the filtering process leaving some people in a dead account. And informing the ones who you've decided to keep around that you've changed your e-mail. It's just a hasstle. So I opened a second e-mail that's less dumb sounding and more of a [insert name and an initial here]@whatever.com and used that for my resume and stuff like that. I was just looking through my fungabe7 account contacts to see how manegable of a task it would be to transfer over and it was like flipping backwords through a photo album. All these people that I was close to once, some even not all that long ago, and thinking "Is this really someone I'm ever going to see or talk to again?" Some people I really do miss and want to see again, but I'm cynical about things like that. I hate having TONS of "contacts" or "friends" or whatever who I never talk to and just send me stupid forwards every once in while. It seems like people mostly just breeze through each other's lives. Yet I still haven't made the change to the new address. I want to believe that I'll hang out with my college roommate again, or that I'll catch up with someone on things have have happened since high school. It's weird how much of my life is past now.

At the holiday party at work there's a charity silent auction. I made a collage to sell and I have kind of weird feelings about the piece. I did it because I thought it could look cool, it'd be pretty easy to make and I work with a lot of Christians (not totally scary Christian at all, but Christian nonetheless). If it wasn't for this auction, I'd add blood or blood colored leaves to it. I almost want to just keep it and do it anyway, but I'm kind of committed.



I can't believe Christmas is in less than a fortnight.

Most of what I've eaten today was potato salad.

I look back and I see that my last few posts have been little more than videos. This will be no exception, but this one's important. It's a health reminder.

This is a health reminder. May I remind you to pay attention? This will save your life and eliminate your worries. It most CERTAINLY will destroy any bothers you have. You have no choice but to realise this. You have no choice but to understand.

http://www.fat-pie.com/healthreminder.htm

Watch the other movies that are related, they're completely amazing.

In elementary school everything I learned was in spanish, history, math, science, literature. It's a spanish immersion program and I think it's a totally amazing idea. Since then my spanish has gotten worse and I didn't do so well in high school spanish because I learned conversational spanish, so I have a good accent and can convey what I'm trying to say really well, but my grammar (and now vocabulary) isn't great. At my new job as a teller at Bay Federal Credit Union they cater to immigrants and farm workers so they value people who are able to speak spanish. Eventually I'll even get $50 more a month. And at work people are always really surprised when I break out speaking spanish.

So the other day these two people who spoke very very little english came up and wanted to deposit a huge wad of cash into another guy's account. I'm sitting there, counting something like 900 dollars in cash and they're talking to each other in spanish. I was counting and couldn't really understand what they were saying, but I heard something about how I couldn't understand them and they just kept on talking. When I was done counting I got a slightly different total than what they had so I turned to them and in perfect spanish said "I got a different amount than what you wrote here so I'm just going to re-count." They looked at me so shocked and embarassed and were just like "Okay." I thought it was really funny.

I'm really hungry and going to eat a hot dog now.

I've started a new job this week. I was a bit apprehensive about it at first, but I get more excited each day. Today what made me so excited was that we got to watch one of those really cheesy lame training videos about robberies with horrible actors who have 80's hair. The manager of this hypothetical branch just EXACTLY like Ted Bundy. I was like "Forget the robber, there's a serial killer running your establishment!". The other day we watched one on fraud which was awesome because it had the same 2 actors (1 man and 1 woman) depositing faudulent checks, so they played bussiness-y con men, strung out junkies and fucked up family memebers, all in one training video. And let me tell you, these actors are amazing! They have the wardrobe down, now I know that if anybody comes in wearing flannel, they're a FUCKING METH ADDICT! Also, everybody in Hollywood has been doing way too much with their acting because all you have to do is raise one eyebrow! Who knew?!

One of the multitude of really awesome benefits this company gives me is that if I'm drunk and can't drive home I can call this certain cab company and the cab ride is billed to my employer!

I had my last day at the coffee shop today. I start at the credit union on Monday. It'll be a big change. At least psychologically. I'll miss the free coffee and food. Kind of excited, but there's a lot of nervousness going on too. I've been kind of forcing myself to work a bit more diligently on things lately. Mostly trying to get comic projects done... or at least advanced. I've set up some websites with collages and comics, they are www.nevergabe.fotopic.net and www.comics.fotopic.net. So if you're interested you can see some of my comics and stuff there. Troy's on tour and I miss him. I have to buy new clothes for the new job. And something to hang them with because I have no closet.

I heard that you no longer have to put two spaces after a period, just one.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.

These are so disturbing to me on so many levels that I had to post them.



The snake's teeth are grinded down and it's mouth is sewn shut.

snake eats hippo

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Other than the taunting going on, this one's mostly just neat. The kind of thing you wonder about... or at least I do.


Unrelated, yesterday afternoon while I was napping I had a dream I was attending a funeral for someone I once knew who died quite a while ago (although I didn't find out until recently). It was at the family's house and they had a bear for a pet. Nevertheless I was upset about the funeral and something felt horribly wrong and all I wanted to do was get my notebook and a pen and sit down alone.

Daphne and Apollo.

As the story goes, in ancient Greece the god Apollo was struck with one of Eros' arrows and fell desperately in love with a nymph named Daphne. But his love was not returned to him. Daphne enjoyed playing in the woods and although she was pressured by her father and pursued by many she had no desire to ever marry or have children. None of this deterred Apollo and he chased her and she ran like a prey from a predator. And still her flight only made his desire stronger. As he caught up with her, her fear grew so strong that she begged her father, Peneus god of rivers, to help her. No sooner had she asked for help that her body stiffened, her feet grew into the ground, her arms sprouted branches and leaves and right before Apollo's eye's she was transformed into a laurel tree. For his love that got away, Apollo vowed to wear her as a crown and adorn his harp and bow with her branches, as would the Greeks themselves in honor of her beauty.

Some new collages.



Untitled.




Metemorphoses.

I can't help but feel like I'm doing something horribly wrong. I want to do these things, move in certain directions but it all seems so unattainable. I don't know where to focus my energy, and hardly feel like I have the resources to do the things anyway. So I just keep puttering away, going from one frivolous thing to another in hopes that one day things might amount to something. People around me are moving towards things they want to do and I just feel like I'm never doing enough, but at the same time I've always got so much crap I'm working on. It all seems like it will just never get me anywhere close to where I want to be and all this trying is just wasted time. But I don't know what else to do.

There's an ad for a survey that says they'll pay $75 to take one if you watch Buffy. I'm thinking about trying it...

I think I live my life in a story.

I sold one of my artworks today! I'd had a couple up at work and a guy bought one! It was pretty cheap, but it's the principle of the thing! It's collage of "Anubis" that I made.... super exciting to me....

This is something I made about a girl I once knew named Julia.



This is Anubis, an Egyptian god of death, specifically of embalming and the gatekeeper of the underworld.



Little Red Riding Hood!

Since about a month ago, Danny has been writing a short film script for his friend to make. It's about the serial killer and rapist Ted Bundy. When he started doing research and writing it, the subject affected him more than he had anticipated. He was thinking about and re-experiencing murders through his writing and it began to get to him in his day to day life.

Today Danny is walking around town doing some errands and although the affect of the script on him has dissipated in the past month, almost the exact same thoughts are crawling around inside of him. Only this time they are not girls he's never known who were killed decades ago whose names and school pictures are embedded in Danny's mind from a book or a website. It's a girl he knows from distant memories, of years and years ago. A girl whose family let Danny's family in their home as guests and friends. A girl whose bed and room Danny slept in because she was away from home. A girl who Danny hardly ever knew; he could count the number of times he's seen her on two hands. But their mothers were pregnant at the same time with Danny and Julia. And in those times they did see each other, Danny and Julia played together with their older sisters. They played together as children with ignorance to the hate and anger people harbor, unaware that under other circumstances things could be more complicated then "You are the same age as me? Well then let's play together." Not knowing that two decades later one's life would be abruptly and unfairly taken. And now that ignorant and innocent childhood bliss is all Danny ever will know of her other than her kind family, her bedroom's view of Manhattan, the C.D.'s she left in her room (he specifically remembers listening to the soundtrack to the film 'Great Expectations' and then getting a copy for himself because he liked it), the puppets and trinkets from around the world that were on her shelves, the doll house she'd probably had since she was a girl, and the way the sunny colors of her room all seemed to light up when the sun came in the windows.

And walking around the day after he found out, all he can think about is what must have been going through her head as a man choked her to death, or as she encountered him in the jungle of Belize, or as she woke up that morning anticipating a trip to Maya ruins (something Danny's wanted to do). Mostly he just thinks about how scared she must have been, and he just sees the little girl he played in the yard with before anybody else woke up one morning in Connecticut. He hardly knew her, but still feels angry that someone thought they had the right to take someone from the world. He's realizing that horrors of the world touch us all, and he's been quite fortunate thus far. Now he feels more divorced from the childhood he's growing out of.

The only thing he can think to do to feel better is to write about it in third person, and hope that wherever she is or isn't anymore, there's some kind of peace from the horror of what happened to her. Whoever she grew up to be, Danny can't help but feel compassion for her now.

A middle aged lady who's a regular customer at the cafe (very nice lady) said to me, "I was talking to my daughter about you the other day. You are so cute, do you have a girlfriend?"
I said "No, I have a boyfriend. But thanks, that's nice of you."
She said "Oh" and kind of laughed and joked, as she walked away, "I have a brother too!"

I thought that was kind of funny. Oh what could have been if only....

I also got to enforce a no cell phone sign we put up at work today. It's kind of been a dream of mine to say "No, I won't help you." to someone on their cell phone. I just find it really inconsiderate and it's treating someone like a vending machine that's not worth their respect. The lady said (still on her cell phone, mind you) "How is it rude?" The sign doesn't even say the word 'rude" anywhere, so it's like, obviously she knows she's being rude). I said "I'm not going to help you if you're on your cell phone", not willing to have this conversation with her while she's still on her phone and just going to argue with me. She complained "That's ridiculous... blah blah blah... I'm a regular customer. We're living in a new time now. Fine, I just won't let you help me." and walked out. It's like saying "If you're not going to sell anything to me, then I just won't buy anything!" The guy in line behind her walked up and said to me "I agree with you."

The loss of a life and the loss of a distant icon of some kind of simple childhood innocence. The world can be a nightmare. People can behave with so much evil it's unbelievable. And scary. Things can be so fucked up and I've only ever scraped the top. But is that what's important to remember?

The white hallways seemed to never end as the Doctor walked past the patients scattered throughout the hospital. He got to the room he was looking for. As he opened the door, light leaked into the black room. Once he closed the door behind him, the room was a dark and cavernous except another stream of light forcing itself in through a small window.
“Aidan?” Doctor Drake asked the whole room, not knowing where his patient was.
“Hey Doc,” the response came from somewhere in the middle of the room.
“I can’t see you in the dark.”
Then something began to move in the shadows. “I’m here,” Aidan stepped partially in the light the tips of his dreadlocks and his shoulder were silouetted by the little light in the room.
“How do you feel today?”
“Same as any other day I guess.” The silhouetted dreadlocks moved out of the light a little bit.
“I see. Did you take your medication?”
“Do you really think that shit helps?”
“Yes I do.”
“You have to say that. You have to believe that those pills and therapy will help, don’t you?”
“I suppose it’s in my best interest. But I know they don’t always help.” He paused, trying to say something to help his patient. “Your medications are designed to help you feel better. To dull this pain you feel.”
“So they don’t actually help me get better? They just make me complacent? That’s great.”
“Your progress depends much more on you than on any pills you take, Aidan. And sarcasm doesn’t help.”
“Nothing fucking helps,” he sighed, almost whispering. Aidan moved and sat against a wall. Doctor Drake’s eyes had adjusted by now and he could distinguish the shape of the man moving through the room.
“I can’t help but notice how apathetic you are today.”
“What am I supposed to be? Excited? Optomistic? Peppy? What would make me better?”
“Something other than dejected would be a step forward.”
“There’s just nothing I can do. It’s pathetic. There’s no point in taking a step forward because there’s nothing I’ve got to move forward to. I mean, I can’t even imagine what being around all of that- that shit all the time would be like. I don’t want to imagine or think about it or have anything to do with it. I just want to- to just...” his voice trailed off, eaten by the darkness filling the room.
“That’s what I’m talking about. If you’re not willing to move forward there’s nothing I can do, Aidan.”
“And what do you think I can do, huh? Just get over it?”
“Of course it’s not that easy, but it is a phobia and you know it’s irrational.”
“Exactly. What could I even do? I’m just... I can’t.”
“You’d rather just sit in here, by yourself?”
“I don’t really have a choice.”
“You’re free to leave this room.”
Aidan’s voice was starting to crack as though he was holding back sobs. “But I can’t,” He moved and looked out the window. “Even if I wanted to, even if I thought there was a good reason to leave, I couldn’t.”
“I know.”
“There’s electricity everywhere.” Aidan walked away from the window, pacing in every direction.
“You think you’re any safer in here?”
“At least I can ignore it. Out there theres light bulbs and phones and computers, and clocks and microwaves and lamps and computers and stereos and phones and fucking iPods and microwaves and clocks and-” he stopped talking suddenly and started nodding his head, sinking back down to the floor. “I just can’t do it. It’s easier in here.” There was a long pause. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“I will if you want. For now. I’ll be back next week.”
“Fine.”
Drake heard Aidan’s body slide down the padded white wall.